Saturday, June 19, 2009.
I went out with my Tita and we walked like all over Pleasant Hill cus we were bored at home. I picked up some job applications. One from GameStop, The Dollar Store & Lucky's grocery store. I woulda picked out other applications but not everyone hires anyone under 18. Then we went to the Manor and waited to get picked up so we can go to Alamo for her cousin's birthday. Hella people were there and it was a big big house. I had fun, it was better than staying home. There was this little boy who looked JUST like my little brother Jamell, he was just an older version and I wanted to cry because of the dream I had the night before. Friday night I had alot of dreams but there were just two in particular that I remember because they both were ones that grasped onto my emotions. One dream I had was that I was at home here on Monument, then Sione rolls up in this baby blue convertable old scraper and just pulls over on the sidewalk. He gets a ladder and puts it to our window & just busss it open and yanked me out ahahahaha. Then we all rushed to the car like they were hiding or running away. When I get in the car, some white guy was driving and in the back was Rasim & Sione. In this dream, Rasim put me under the seat cus Idk why but he did just like he did in another dream I had of him. Okay so blah blah blah, the wind's blowing, I'm sliding side to side on the floor of the car straight hittin my head on everything and people's feet. While all that's happening Rasim's on the phone with Michael Davis the entire time saying " Yeah we got her, we're coming right now remember to open the door when no one's looking " & all this other junk. And I'm sittin there like, whaaaaat is going on?! Then I find out we're on the freeway. And you know how on the freeway sometimes they have those big cemented walls that are thicker than a fat lady and it kinda separates the outside from the tunnel? Well we were drivin around that and that tunnel was long! But anywho, then I guess this motorcycle cop thought we were suspicious [ I didn't know we were tho cus this whole time I'm sittin on the floor ] and he drives right next to us the entire time and he's talking to the driver while both vehicles are on the freeway ahahah. Then I got up and Sione and Rasim were tellin the white boy who was driving to just weave around him so we can get ahead of him cus I guess Michael was waiting at this thing they staaaayed callin " The Oasis ". So we weave around him and stuff then all of a sudden we pull up to the big cemente tunnel wall and there's like this big door that looked like a bigger version of a electricity box at your home. They lifted me and pushed me into it first and Michael's yelling at me to just " Run Run Run ! " so I'm running up this big thing that I don't even know what it is, it looked like we were in a clean gutter and it was all rusted out - the bars I was climbin on atleast. Then Michael's ahead of me and he's carrying this pillow case full of who knows and then when you get to the top, there's the sky & in the middle is this bigggg ass column that separates that little tunnel / gutter thing / hallway to another one. Michael Sione & Rasim were looking up and asked each other if " they " were looking yet, so I was confused like who the hell is they? The three of them were panicking like little girls. Then they took turns hella quick right after another into the other gutter / hallway thing and it looked like it was going down instead of how the first one was going up. They were all lined up against the wall tho & they left me last to go but Michael was like " HURRY UP AND RUN ! " So after he says that I start hearing like a helicopter noise and I'm just thinking in the back of my head like " Oh it's just a helicopter flying by " cus I didn't know! I didn't know. So I run against the wall and all of a sudden the helicopter hovers right over the big gap thing and this mexican man said " Yeah we found one! Asian female short hair blue jacket " and I'm thinking like FAAAAAAAAACK! So I started running back down to where I came up at cus I didn't want to run to where they went, I don't even know where they went! And I didn't wanna get them in trouble so I was gonna just run to the freeway and run home or something ahahahaha omg wow. I had so much adrenaline in that dream and I was scared the entire time cus I was hella lost from point A when Sione kidnapped me to point D when the helicopters came. I was wearing this blue zip up hoodie thing, Michael was wearing a white shirt with the sleeves cut off [ like he does in PE ] and Sione and Rasim were wearing white. I don't know what happend to the white guy that drove us there, I think he was just a ride. I also think the cop that followed us was following us cus he knew that alot of people go to " The Oasis " Oh goodness. Now I don't feel like typing cus I don't know how to make a long story short. I just typed it all so one day when I read it I'll remember it thoroughly.
The other dream I had was with my little brothers. I'll make this one short. Joey didn't wanna take care of Jermaine & Jamell anymore so he dropped them off here at my moms. He told them he'd come back and if he doesn't he'd send them money and call everynight. A year passes by and in my dream I'm realizing no one pays attention to Jamell. My mom doesn't comfort him and the boys don't even notice he's there. I came to him one morning we were eating breakfast and everyone was eating cereal; he was sitting on the couch with the flatscreen turned off and I held him in my arms and said " Do you feel alone ? " and he shook his head and tears fell out of his eyes while he said yes and I could feel his pain and sadness because it is soo much like Jamell. I started to cry too. I was so angry at everyone and I started cussing out my mom and pointing out her lack of parenting [ like always ] and I called up Joey and cussed him out, but I was crying at the same time. I don't remember anything else that happend because I think I woke up with an ocean of tears. I really felt that happening. In real life, when I did live with Joey, I was always the one to comfort and love Jamell when he was alone and when he was hurt. I could always see when he wanted to cry and I always held him because I felt his pain each and everytime. Jamell was always the one I could relate to at the time, just differently. Now I'm crying again. I miss my little fatboy so much. If there was any reason for me to stay, I would have stayed for Jamell & Jermaine. They always make me happy , without a doubt they do. I miss them so much, if only they understood how much I love and miss them. I always told Jermaine that he could live with me when I moved out on my own.
I don't want to talk anymore, I'm just going to be upset. So I'll update later today, maybe.
