I've just read most of my last posts and they never make sense. Either that or they're never grammatically correct. I'm always posting things out of thought; I don't really check for these things. Who cares tho? I don't think anyone bothers to read my business anyways. I hope not, I get emotional on these here posts ahah. I hate how I explain myself in these things too cus daaaaang - I sound, not only ignorant but, selfish and unhappy every time. I sound like I'm explaining how I feel but I don't know what I'm talking about at the same time. I sound like a know - it - all, like I know everything! I sound stupid. But the feelings I express or the situations I put out there are how I know I feel and I guess that's all that matters right? Then again, what about my readers? Whoever does read this. Hmmm, I dee kaye. I never thought about it. Well anyways,
Janell was right! Twitter is a waste of time and it makes no sense. Like really tho, everyone can still be up to date with my business on Myspace with no problem. I think I'ma quit on Twitter. AIM is mos def something Janell needs to get up on quick tho ahah! Everyone I talk to in Temecula, SD, & L.A all say they miss me and that I should move back. Besides Arielle, others say I shoulda stayed cus they have a place for me to stay. It's not all that simple like you guys think. I didn't have a choice whether my monkey for a " dad " wanted to kick me out or not, he made that firm decision himself. My mom asked me to live with her in the time being, what was I gonna say? " No mama, I'd rather live with my friend. " SIIIIKE! It's my mom. I can't just go from one place to another like that especially when it comes to authority. Did you all forget how old I am? My people are lenient but not to the point they don't care. Speaking of, I've realized the reason why my dad kicked me out is because he DOES/ DID love me. Whether if it was for his own selfish reasons or not, he wants me to become a better person. I guess? I just said I've realized, I didn't say I know. So don't blame me for not making sense. At the same time, if he knows I'm hard headed then why would he use the kick - my - child - out - so - they - will - realize - their - wrong - and - apologize method on me? I know a thing or two about parenting from observation and leaving your child in the hands of another adult to teach them discipline and raise them is never right. Well, neither is kicking your child out in the first place. Aside all that, I wish I'd have some parents who really CARE. Idk bout you but " I care about you " seems much more appealing to me than " I love you ". I don't know why? No one's really told me that besides a few people but I want to hear it from the people who claim they love me the most and those who I care and love for. Sometimes I feel like I'm too selfish as if I deserve all the things I ask for. I don't. I wonder if I'm too greedy. I wonder if I will change. I wonder if I can be happy, find peace, find myself & be calm all at once for a short period and era of time in my life. Can I? Maybe I haven't because I've become pessimistic and single minded. Maybe I haven't fulfilled such a desire because I'm always doing the wrong thing in the midst of making an effort to do the right. I'll find out someday , MAYBE.
