Deprivation

so,  just as i thought.  that bxtch made niggah says he loves me - but wants to kick me out?  within a week!?  are you kidding me -_- ;  that's some bullshit.  excuse my language.  but it is.  i'm only sixteen.  where am i going to go?  the authority who claims to be my " father " is telling me to pack my things,  and get the hell out within a week.  just cos his female friend can't live this way in hostility or discomfort.  just cos i'm gonna be the same stubborn person & not change the way i live in my damn home for someone who's just gonna leave anyways!?  just cos he doesn't want her to keep on naggin at him for my disrespectful behavior.  for so long i have been deprived from the comfort of a parent or being under someones wings.  i have no one to run to when i am in need.  both of you have failed me as " parents " and failed yourself as a responsible adult.  i don't have to be twenty five in college with two kids to know your struggle.  yes,  i get it.  finance is hard.  being a single parent with three kids on both sides is hard. but you know what else is hard?  being the only female of ten children and always being compared to the women you bring into our " home ".  pouring out my feelings to you & the effect of it is to ignore me.  to kick me out!  is hard.  knowing i am the rock of our family,  the little that we have;  & you want to let me go.  it's hard when you know my own flesh and blood says she hates me,  when you know that it hurt me, and still put yourself in her position. but it doesn't take a genius to know that nothing in this world comes easy.  you don't always get what you want.  you want a loving daughter.  i want love from someone,  anyone,  in general.  i have learned from this experience that when,  or if,  i have children of my own i will never ever let them go.  they can push me away,  but i will never let them go.  i will never put them through the pain you put me through.  i will never make promises to them that i know aren't reassured.   yes,  you took me in as your child.  yes,  you paid for my clothes,  food,  shelter,  enrolled me into school when you didn't have to.  i'm grateful.  but after so long,  still left me deprived.  you wonder why i'm bitter,  you wonder why my attitude is never in great shape,  you wonder why i'm selfish,  you wonder why i'd rather be lonesome,  you wonder why i'm disrespectful;  because you just took me in,  you didn't raise me.  you don't care.  i see it now that all i am is just another skeleton in your closet.  i am just extra baggage you had to carry along.  i understand.  yes,  i understand.  but i am  not blind.  i am not stupid.  and for as long as i have to,   i will do everything by myself.  they say friends come & go,  but family is always there.  i am convinced you are not family,  you've left me a long time ago.  but thank you for everything & thank you for a bullshit life.  to your unfortune,  i hate you.