i wish i could go back two years from now and fix everything. if i could erase what i have done and how i mistreated my dad and my last relationship, i think i would be happy. bouncing back and forth across the country and to my moms again was a ride i was not willing to take. living with silvester made me realize how much of a great father joey was. it hurts me, i hurt me. i want him to love me again...i want him to call me princess and spoil me and love me. i want him to ask me to give him kisses on the cheek and take his shoes off when he comes home from a long day of work. i want to run downstairs when i smell him cooking and stand there at the island ranting about my day and the stupid people at school while playing with the ingredients he would use. i want to go back when it was me sitting in the passenger seat, talking about my future and what i dont want to be like. i want to come home from a long night, in the morning, and see him sprawled out on the couch with jermaine and jamell watching cartoons. football sunday and monday is never the same. people ask why i don't drive and the truth is because i dont want to drive in anyone elses car. i dont want to drive because all i think about is the person who taught me how to. i miss my dad so much. i miss having one, but its so hard and it hurts me sooo.....so so much when the same reason he kicked me out is the same reason why he's getting married. and i hate her. I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER. he asked me to get my lola to sign some papers for him and when i asked him why, he didnt respond. you didnt have to ignore me, i know you want to marry her. and if you ask her to sign any papers, I'll make sure she never sees them. I dont want you to not be my dad... you're my dad. You're me and jamells dad. dont leave me... please